Changing the Narrative

The dismantling moments of ‘change’ is perpetually knocking upon the doors of life. 

Rude, as this housekeeper is, the posted signs of ‘do not disturb’ or ‘please come later’, do not seem to deter her in the least. She comes in barging! And truth be told, be it good or bad, the change that she brings always unsettles what ‘is’.

I love my yoga instructor who is a truly gifted person. Practicing with her has remained therapeutic for my mind, body and soul.

Recently she called in sick and we had a substitute for her class.  Had I been aware, I would conveniently choose to not attend but I was already there and so I remained!

Surely enough I disliked everything that the substitute made us do. Constantly comparing it to the experience that I was accustomed to I rolled my eyes and bickered at every move.

Luckily daily meditation has bolstered my ability to be self-aware.

Our sense of self-awareness is what differentiates us from animals. We can, if we choose, become instantaneously aware of the instruments of thought, emotion or sensation that is guiding our actions in life.

 I smiled as I caught myself with my ‘resisting’ mind in her class. I noticed how my own desire to control the experience I was having, intervened with my ability to simply enjoy what was there.  The human mind is an extremely powerful tool. When given a free reign it can rob us of our life and our presence in it.

Just as soon as I noticed it, I was able to rearrange its constructs. My compassion for the new instructor increased and I became more accepting of her way of instruction. I must admit I even enjoyed the piece of poetry that she read to us in the end of the class.

I still love my original instructor and have a preference for her style of instruction. But recognizing the resistance that I had built towards any new experience enabled me to enjoy rather than simply endure the substitute’s class.

 I have to confess however, that it’s often not as easy.

We are creatures of habit, often preferring our miserable ways of living and being to adopting the changes that can benefit us.  The bigger changes of death, illness, changes in relationships and careers often leaves us stumped.

Its funny how quickly we formulate stories of who we are and how we ought to live. Years back upon taking my very first course in mindfulness based meditation I was surprised at the many baseless assumptions upon which I had built my life.

The simple truth is that the narrative is consistently changing for all of us. Even for those who pretend or claim otherwise. In my mind the only thing worthy of our attention is deliberately picking on those threads of our stories that promote our wellbeing.

The Beloved

Sometimes I feel like you will fly away, that I will wake up one quiet morning and you will be gone. That my many words, my colors, the patterns they form and the secret metric of their rhyme will all be gone in the same sudden manner in which they came announcing your arrival.

That I will sit in my beige colored chair, staring at the ceiling, hands resting by my side and that there will be no more music in my heart. My puzzled paintings will stare at me wondering where they came from.

That I will forget to tune my ear to the rain and measure its falling – just a drizzle, a sudden burst, stopping, starting, pouring, noisy with wind and put down my work and sit by the window watching.

That I might forget to listen to the thunder after every lightening strikes and once again tell the kids that ‘light travels faster than sound’ as they repeat it with me in chorus, shaking their heads at my annoyance.

That I will forget the day I brought my newborn home and waited patiently for six whole weeks before she smiled at me in recognition. Or the memory of her tiny body lying upon my chest while she was asleep, caused me to know what God’s very hand laid upon my heart felt like.

That in the noise of living and making a life, I forget to watch the clouds pass by, appreciate sunrise and sunset, listen to the birds and taste my coffee as I wonder if the day calls for writing or painting.

So much time has been spent alone without a hint of loneliness. You my dear hold my hand even when I forget the feel of mine within it. So many bridges have been built to my once solitary life as I reveal the whisper of your voice within my heart or paint the images as you see them.

Yet, sometimes when the flower fades, the sun- sets and the empty tea cup stands against the stain upon the surface. Insecure in your love for me, as I am, I wonder if when morning comes you will be gone before I wake up without saying goodbye!

eBook giveaway - Banks of the Tamasa

Dear Friends,

To celebrate the first anniversary of my book Banks of the Tamasa, I am doing an eBook giveaway. Those of you who are interested in reading the book can download it from my website www.bluebreath.net/books for free.

Banks of Tamasa is the story of the heroine Sita from the ancient classic Ramayana.

I have written this book from a woman’s perspective with focus laid upon on the inner journey of Sita and her experiences after her husband Rama discards her on the banks of the River Tamasa.

The language in the book is deliberately poetic keeping in mind the classical story and its significance in the continent of Asia.

I have used the principles of both the Hindu Upanishad and Buddhist Vipasana philosophy, to empower Sita and anchor her in a place where she can no longer be dislodged, taken for granted or disrespected by anyone anymore.

Though the story of Sita is ancient, this book has been written for the modern day woman and her continued quest for balance.  This is not a book that promotes angry feminism but points towards a path towards inner peace based on love and compassion.

Please feel free to share the giveaway with your friends, colleagues, neighbors and others who might be interested in reading it.

Thank you all for your love and support.

Vandana