Searching for Newness

Searching for Newness

I haven’t bothered to make any new-year’s resolutions in a while.  Somehow the years past have simply rolled along, each one unfolding like rose buds, sometimes to a fullness that surprised even me, and sometimes unraveling barely a petal or two.

Even as November of last year approached, my heart made a subtle suggestion that this new- year would somehow be a different kind of new.

I still don’t know how.

The standard works have already been set in motion.  I’m taking better care of myself in terms of exercise and diet. I have set my artistic and literary goals. I have surrounded myself with well wishing friends and family and uncluttered my environment of unhealthy obligations.  Most importantly, I love deeply and I am extremely blessed to have several others who love me with equal affection.

So what else could be new?

Somehow I innocently assumed that the new-year’s morning would enlighten me as to what this newness that I seem to look forward to is all about.

So like I child, I paid attention. I rolled out of my old and comfortable bed after a good’s night rest. I sipped at the hot cup of coffee served by my dear husband as usual. Walking down the hallway I stared for quiet a while at my sleeping children with Popeye nestled comfortably between their pillows. I watched the sky as I drew the drapes, sensing my own eagerness and desire to pronounce a cloudy morning as simply spectacular.  But after a few moments I realized that everything is just as usual.

Perhaps the newness that I anticipate is yet to come or perhaps it is already on its way and yet to reach me. Still perhaps the newness is already inside of me and is waiting for me to simply recognize it as such. Maybe it’s pleasant. Maybe it’s horrible. Should I be scared, must I be hopeful?? Sometimes newness is like watching your child grow, you see it happen right before you and yet you can never define the exact moment.

Whatever it is, my heart insists that this year will be new and I have to say I am curiously excited! And I sincerely wish the same sensation of joyous expectation for each and every one of you.