Cynicism

I pretended to be reaching out to a barf bag. I stuck my tongue out and imitated a violent throw up. Then I rolled my eyes as I shook my head. This was before face-time and this was my reaction to a friend who had called me up and couldn’t stop telling me how madly she was in love.

At the time, my washing machine had broken down. I had a baby and a toddler at home. My life was filled with diapers, toys, high chairs, Disney junior on my TV, endless nursery rhymes on my player, spills, leaks, throw-ups, tantrums and everything in the middle.

When my loving husband came back home in the evenings, I didn’t feel romantic. I felt relief! Relief to be around another adult, relief for another set of hands that could help me and relief to be able to shower.

Naturally I was cynical about love!

Well, the babies grew and my cynicism disappeared. Thank goodness for that!

Much of life is lived as if in front of a mirror. We speak to others telling them things that we wish to hear ourselves. We color our words with emotions that are true for each of our selves. We get frustrated at things that do not reflect that which we are experiencing as the truth in a given moment.

There is no absolute truth. It is something that is sandwiched between different perspectives.

I have never met the Dalai Lama and yet I reserve a great deal of respect and adoration for him. I have read many books with his teachings and I have watched pretty much all documentaries about him.

Thumbing through a magazine I came upon an interview of his that was published. The writer introduced pre-China Tibet, as far less of a Utopia than we assume it was and mimicked the Lama’s mannerism with cynicism. There were subtle hints of sarcasm – angry humor – throughout the article.

Needless to say I was a bit saddened. When a smiling monk tells us that we all simply want to be happy and that we each desire to reduce our suffering – instead of being curious we want to erase his positivity.

There was so much I wanted to say to the writer of that article. I wanted to produce proof, I wanted to provide reassurance and I wanted to pacify her felt anger.

I realized in a moment that I was desperately trying to hold onto faith in my own beliefs. All these messages of reassurance, pacification and proof were for myself.

I remembered my episode with the barf bag!

Perhaps the life of this young woman who wrote the article was too crowded for her to see her own inner beauty. Perhaps her washing machine had broken down, her kid was throwing a tantrum and her husband had called to tell her that he was working late. Perhaps she just desired to shower in peace.

I’m sure the Lama said to her, “may you be happy, may you be peaceful, may you know the beauty of your own true nature, may you be healed, may you be a source of healing to all!”