Being Indian in America!

It was an unusually hot summer afternoon. Two young kids in hand, frantically looking for a restroom, ice-cream leaking down my sweaty forearm, bothered, irritated and tired I was plowing through the crowds of a popular theme park in Pennsylvania, when it happened!

 ‘Namaste!’

 This slightly tipsy grandfather, with a huge sun hat and khaki shorts, steps forward and stops us in our tracks. With palms folded against his chest, head bent forward he offers me his greetings, ‘Namaste, Namaste’! The kids stare up to my hot red face and I blurt out, ‘I don’t Namaste!’ and walk on with two tiny jaws dropped, cotton candied mouths revealed into the restroom that I need to use badly!

The manager of the condo I have rented for the weekend in Cape-May, comes up to me with his hands up in the air, fingers twinkling like little stars, “the sun…!” he says, moving his arms in a semi-circle, “…will be out soon!” So here I am standing in the lobby, with ample sunscreen smeared on my already brown skin, in a swim suit, sun glasses and flip flops, watching this mono-act, not entirely sure if I need to simply understand the words that he speaks or the kindergarten sign language that he’s mimicking! The suppressed giggle broke out into a huge smile as I replied," I know, I checked the weather!" and walked right past him to the beach. 

The awkwardness of moments such as these is cause it happens when you are not particularly aware of being Indian.  Right when you feel assimilated and ready to plunge into mainstream life, someone picks you out with a comment or a question. Though I do get a tad bit irritated at times, I mostly recall all these experiences with humor and enjoy imitating it out to my children who get a kick out of it. 

Its life-painting class, I am entranced, the model is curvy and has a fabulous structure I am excited and am figuring out my still amateur composition. Suddenly I hear a whisper, "Is it okay in your religion to paint nude people?” I turn around to my instructor who wants a cultural tour, right then and there, in the studio, with the model posing. So I explain, that we invented the nude, we wrote the Kama Sutra, we etched out preposterous pornographic sculptures in our caves, I also add that our parents were spared the bird and the bees conversation as a trip to our temples with these apparent stone carvings was education enough.  

By the time I was done explaining, I have lost my trail and had to restart my painting! Needless to say I was irritated! The student painting beside me whispered that he and everyone else knows that us Indian people, we have sex with their clothes on and give birth to clothed babies! We both laugh and the instructor turns red in her face.

In all of this I assume we are not completely faultless! Sometimes we just carry our flavoring a bit apparently!

One of my friends recounted an episode when speeding down the highway in her Salwar Kameez and the dot on her fore-head, she was pulled over by a cop. Not wanting to reveal her Indian identity, she quickly removed the dot off her forehead. Really! The cop wrote her the ticket and informed her politely and with good intentions that there was a 'Patel's Cash and Carry', down the road on the next exit should she need anything. So just like that dot or no dot, she was spotted!

This other encounter will crack you up for sure! In India pencil erasers are referred to as rubbers, in America rubbers are condoms! That was definitely not on the foreign language test or I would have known that for sure! I sat with a bunch of colleagues enjoying lunch and we chit chatted about all the different hobbies that we had as children. I used to collect pencil erasers, so I announced innocently that I collected 'rubbers' as a child!! Loraine, this elderly lady who always prim and proper, stopped chewing and stared me down like I was discovered in an alarmingly offensive way “you, collected condoms!” she asked and I got cherry red in my face, mortified by this new truth that someone should have told me while I stood in the long immigration line, so I explained! This time there was no irritation, just explaining, a whole lot of explaining and apparent desperation to prove my innocence! 

But at times, being Indian comes with a considerable advantage!!! Like when I pick up a random sales call during dinner-time, listen to the person on the other end struggling with my name and then say, "no English, sorry!” before I hang up thrilled with myself. 

I must have transferred some of my gifts to my children, I am sure of it. A few weeks back when my younger one did not have school I took her out with me on my countless errands. When one of my neighbors asked her what she was doing at home, she said, "Well, I don't have school today!’ in her perfect American accent, then when an elderly Indian neighbor asked her the same question, she replied, "Nooooo, No School today!’ and had me giggling for the rest of the day!

Well unique or not, I figured, its best to have fun with your life! So hope you are enjoying your day!