Defiance

"Sister Jane, please sing for us!” we chanted with pleading faces. We were in seventh grade.  All of our brains had stepped into puberty even if our bodies hadn't. We were no longer gullible children nor were we full fledged adults ready to take on the world. Living somewhere in between these two worlds we had started to think for ourselves and formulate an identity.

The layout of all the classrooms in the Catholic school was the same. The blackboard was located in the center of the room, the teacher's desk on one side of the blackboard, the entrance to the classroom on the other side, a cupboard before you hit the entrance, a trash can in one corner, a poor box that collected coins donated to the poor by the poor, rows or neatly arranged tables and chairs for us students, a area to place lunch carriers and that's about it I guess!

Anyway, our brains had started to think! That was simply dangerous! While we could be coerced into behaving a certain way, our unbending spirits had started to become a problem. Favoritism openly practiced by the teachers, a long time suffering for the good majority of us, was making us angry. Disparity in our homes and economic status was becoming apparent. No longer aiming to please constantly we hated those teachers who hated us and loved those from whom we felt love.

So sister Jane, a young nun, was not a particularly favorite one. She was mild tempered and spoke about kindness during moral science but unlike the others nuns her aggression was passive. She pretended that she did not see you if you raised your hand, she had the quick tempered principal to do the yelling for her, made horrifyingly humiliating comments without raising her voice and pretended to be unaware of being partial to a select few.

So she sang a song from a movie, in a nasal voice that could definitely not hold a tune. 'Daddy daddy…… oh! my daddy……' she sang, gazing at her desk and smiling softly in hindsight she was probably thinking about her daddy! Anyway, I could not hold in my giggle, her voice was simply hilarious. My face turned red, my eyes were fixed upon the floor and yet my body was shaking with internalized laughter violently! Now laughter, it is contagious, soon the majority of us were giggling! Then we started to laugh! Loud uncontrollable laughter! If we were to be crucified, so be it, we would die laughing!

Boy! That was such a release! Release from our powerlessness in the hands of wicked teachers, release from our hidden anger, release from the humiliation we suffered daily and a release for all those uncontrollable hormones that we had to put a lid on!

Sister Jane cried, she ran from the class room, there was a teacher's meeting, announcements were made in the school assembly, we were asked to write out our apologies, our half-assed apologies were disliked, we were asked to write about what we thought of our teachers, our candid opinions were too revealing, the principal came in and yelled in great fury, she wanted it righted, the situation needed to be made right somehow but it was impossible!

Our laughter had sounded around the universe and can still be heard! The bottled spirits were released and they refused to grant wishes! I still think about that episode in passing, it was my moment of defiance and ever since then my spirit has been free.